can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
