Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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