Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
