it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
