Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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