dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
