Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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