i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
