I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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