I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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