I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
