One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
