At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
PANTIES FOUND
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