ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?