just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
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don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
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Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"