Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...