my mouth tastes like poor choices
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
