you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
