I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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