my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
