How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
