He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
