he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm passing your future prison.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
