Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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