I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
