my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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