How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
