My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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