do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
