um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
