I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
