i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
