I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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