Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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