Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
