butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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