why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
