I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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