We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
