WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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