listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
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Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
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Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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