id be glad to
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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