If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
as a side note pls kill me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
