One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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