is your mom at the bar?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
