yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
