At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
