im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
