In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
