it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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