Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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