Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
