You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
