So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
