i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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