get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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