something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
