I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
