I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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