Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
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I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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