in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
