I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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