His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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